Tuesday, November 26, 2002

What would Satan drive?

Hard on the heels of the "What Would Jesus Do" themed marketing spree (which has sold everything from buttons to little girls' panties) comes an advertising blitz: "What Would Jesus Drive?" The campaign argues that, since Jesus loved everybody, he would drive an ecologically conscious hybrid something or other that didn't pollute, was socially responsible, etc., etc., etc., gag!

Who the fuck would buy a car because it's what Jesus would drive? A sheep with no mind, who has no ability to think for himself, that's who. The sad part is that in the Satanic movement, there are some who are equally incapable of thinking for themselves. They want to know what Satan would drive, or even what Dr. LaVey drove, so they can emulate them. What the hell they are doing here is beyond us. I don't think emulation is a Satanic virtue.

But anyway we have heard the question asked: What would Satan drive? Here are a few suggestions, submitted by our staff:

1) He would drive a hard bargain. (Don Esteban)

2) He would bend you over and drive you to Boston. (Jezebel)

3) He would drive a Hummer limousine that gets 2 MPG. (Aiwass)

My personal thought is this: he would drive whatever he damn well wanted. "Do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law." What else do you need to know?


Monday, November 25, 2002

WELCOME TO THE RAVEN REVIVED! SHEMHAMFORASH!

A. What we are.

The Raven is, as its masthead states, the Journal of Satanic Good Living. If you're looking for spells, tips on sacrificing virgins, hints on how to harass Xians, and like that there, look elsewhere. We are, in the spirit of Dr. Anton LaVey's original Church of Satan, into indulgence. Self indulgence. Remember the Seven Deadly Sins? We try to hit all of them every week. Twice if possible. In fact, now that I think about it, maybe I should discuss a reorganization of the staff under that heading. On the other hand, that could be self defeating. After all, we'd never get any input from the sloth department...heh heh heh. On the other other hand, the heads of the lust and gluttony departments would be very fortunate individuals indeed -- and they, in turn, would feed the envy departments... you get the idea.

B. Dramatis Personae

Publisher and Editor in Chief: Ser Cassiel Macaton Samedi, Chief Advisor to the Infernal Crown
Food and Beverage Editor: Kheri Amon Eros-Ataf
Lust and Vulgarity Editor: Jezebel
Literature and Music Editor: Aiwass
Legal issues: Don Esteban de Gallo-Carrasco y Gavilanes
Other contributors as required

C. Submissions

The Raven will consider all submissions on the subject of food, drink, sex, music, literature, the arts, or any form of self indulgence. We also encourage submissions pointing out the general stupidity of humanity. Remember that brevity is the soul of wit. Please submit manuscripts via email to the email address located at the left. No other submissions will be considered. We are not in a position to pay for any submissions in any way, whether in cash, contributions in kind, or anything else, but will give attribution according to your wishes. Be careful what you wish for.

Friday, November 15, 2002

This is merely the preliminary draft of the new, Internet version of The Raven, the Journal of Satanic Good Living. The publisher, Cassiel Macaton Samedi, will be making his preliminary remarks shortly and we will begin our new mission of spreading joy, hedonism, self-indulgence, and egocentrism wherever we go. Our thanks to our friends who provided us with this space, and we hope to keep everyone entertained over the next many years.

- Kheri Amon Eros-Ataf